A child sprays a whisper
Lip popping effervescence
A beautiful bubble of starlight
Glittering toxins with the sun rays
A hiss and the dream, in evanescence,
can only, into otherworld
fade – so iridescent
As the last air pocket exhales
And flickers out of sight
So silvery, the reflective song
Strikes bolts of moisture across our sky
So dashes, the wispy painting
is escaping truth, monopoly mystery
It is mocking how we live or die
It glimmers, flowing gracefully
Misty beams vaguely lie
Gasping fire rain of night
The deified wonders are silent
to soft whispers, songs lilting, hymns
They drip diamonds and crystalline dreams
on round, pallid upturned faces
Gone awry in silver hoops and rims
Beauty captured canvas
(casket) – Life firmly trimmed
But the otherworld is drifting
Deep within absence of light
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
absolutely incredible imagery. I wish I could figure out what it meant. But the imagery was stunning enough that it's like music....you don't have to understand it's message in order to love it. And I love it.
(does poetry even need a message? 'Art for art's sake!' was the motto of Oscar Wilde)
Okay, I imagine it would be fairly useless to say that this was very exceptionally good. The one problem, although the poem fills the head with flashy, sparkly imagery, it lacks a window to it's deeper meaning (assuming there is one) and that kind of isolates the reader. If you could find some way to add or take something that'll give the reader, upon reading it, a sense of 'wow'. Instead of 'wow, but what the hell did it mean?' it's be all the better.
Alright, I order you to stop writing better than anybody I know.
"Beauty captured canvas
(casket) – Life firmly trimmed
But the otherworld is drifting
Deep within absence of light"
My favorite part... I'm sorry but I can't really help with this... too... mezmerised